Cartoon book giveaway

There were books, calendar, and leftover Bounties

Update: competition closed, in case that isn’t obvious.

Prizes for cartoon giveaway

It is January, which is when I traditionally post a small cartoon merchandise giveaway, heavily disguised as a desperate plea for cartoon ideas .

The Prizes:

There are six, ranging from very good to a bit mediocre.

1. The Cycling Cartoonist book. Still available from all good retailers.
2. My 2018 calendar. Still 11 months to go.
3. Book of church cartoons: ‘The Exciting World of Churchgoing’. Still a good one.
4. A set of 12 watercolour paints. ‘Winsor and Newton Cotman Pocket Plus’. Still unused.
5. The 2017 Church Times Guide to Greenbelt. Still contains my site map.
6. All our leftover Bounty bars from Christmas (Celebrations tub not included). Still in date.

I’d be very happy to sign or dedicate the books, or indeed any of these prizes. I’ll send them anywhere in the world.

Plus… I may add a mystery prize or two, depending on how the mood takes me.

How to enter:

Post one or more cartoon ideas in the comments below. (The comment must be on this site, not on social media). Ideas can be a topic you’d like me to cover, or something more finished with descriptions of pictures, etc. It can be a church-themed cartoon idea, or something else entirely. Ideas don’t have to be any good.

Write the numbers of prizes you’d like in the order you’d like them. Example: ‘1, 4, 6’ if you’d like the cycling book most of all, but failing that then the paints or the Bounty bars. Leave out the numbers of any prizes you wouldn’t like.


1. I can change the rules
2. Entires must be made here and not on Facebook/Twitter. Reason: I use a random number generator to choose the winners, and that really only works if all answers are in the same place and not scattered here/there/everywhere. It is also difficult for me to to print tweeted replies out for reference.
3. One entry per person will count towards the prize. But you’re welcome to send as many ideas as you’d like.
4. Prize-winners will be chosen at random from all entries given. I will contact you to ask for a postal address, so make sure the email address you use (kept hidden on this site, of course) is current.
5. I reserve the right to use any of the ideas given. When people send me an idea that I use I try to send them an image file of the cartoon, but I sometimes forget.

Closing date: 10pm UK time, Thursday 1 February 2017. That gives you 3 days. I’ll post a list of winners the following day.

If entries don’t appear straight away it is because comments by new commenters are moderated.

Thanks in advance for all ideas given. Ideas sent to me via competitions like this or just via email at other times are always hugely appreciated and make it possible for me to just about keep this cartooning thing going.

Another picture of prizes but this time all piled up.


  1. Hi Dave
    1. Deanery Synod

    2. The Church summer picnic.

    3. Church working party!


    PS Sorry about the Bounty bars but on a diet (again) Roll on Lent.

  2. Hi Dave,

    I’d like to see ‘A guide to Anglican tweeting’, perhaps a labelled drawing of a profile including the evangelically-sound bio, thinly veiled moaning about latest diocesan comms initiative, with a retweet of the Bishop for good measure.

    2 / 3 / 4 – although mystery prizes always sound more fun.

  3. Cartoons on Bible translation or the Bibleless would be fantastic please. I could then RT them on our twitter account – @wycliffeuk_pray- which would be great publicity for you too. Or cartoons on the fact that we have so many translations to choose from? Prayer diarys too, and maybe the challenge of writing them, which is what I do.

    4,3 and 2. I put 4 first as my wife is a keen artist. If you have any copies of your ‘how to write a Christmas newsletter which was on your advent calendar, that would be lovely too. My wife and I are with Wycliffe and have to write countless prayer letters so we both found that one hilarious and would be great to include with our Christmas 2018 one. Thanks for all that you do to help prove the fact that God does have a sense of humour.

  4. Also, literal depictions of the metaphorical names we use for God, in the style of those drawings of the “compliments” in the Song of Songs made literal.

    (Inspired by my wife’s discovery in her current dissertation research that the top ten CCLI songs at the moment depict God as an animal more often than Jesus as a man.)

  5. School trip to visit a church
    Things that have fallen down the heating vent
    Previous lives of the teddies at the back of church
    Things to make with your newsletter
    Shapes to bend your candle into
    Prizes: 4,3,1,6

  6. Hi Dave. How about some KJV Bible verses such as
    “I desire not the legs of a man” (Ps147),
    “Walk not as other Hentiles walk” (Ephesians 4),
    or the fighting Ammonites in the OT which make me think of fossils with spears,
    or all those references about looking after aliens?

    Preferred prizes – 3,2,1,6.

  7. Hi Dave,

    Something about the baptism…

    Last sunday I had a mute baby vomiting through the entire baptism service…

    Last week the big sister put a plastik dinosaur into the fount during the ceremony (for the baby to play with), and another day the baby fought so much, she made me lose my baptism sermon…

    And saturday more than seventeen kids below the age of four sorrunded the baptismal fount on a chair each, so they could see the water and the baby being baptised. It was quite fun until they started playing with the water.

    But even though the service and ritual is the same, something always happens to make it different (and sometimes also difficult).

    With your great abilities to draw, you could make something fun out of it – and I would post it on my notice board in Church

    Prizes: 2, 3, 5.

  8. Creative use of school bike sheds

    School cycling proficiency

    and I do love Bounty Bars

  9. Copes and the curtains that inspired them.
    The interesting, imaginative and dangerous uses that small children find for christingles during the service.
    Child removing Jesus from the crib for some fresh air.
    Competitive millinery at weddings.
    The tiggerish enthusiasm of a new curate.
    The chocolates from a selection tin left uneaten by different church groups.
    Happy to receive anything 🙂

  10. Alternative jobs for disaffected vicars
    a) Peace negotiators
    b) Referees (they’ve got the kit)
    c) Emergency flyhalf for the the All Blacks (likewise)
    d) Announcer on coach tours (with pulpit facing down the aisle)
    e) Stuntvicar on a film set

  11. Church camp weekend away. Kids first adventure camping. 12,3,4 youth club venture. An adventures story on life’s wild side.

  12. Hi Dave

    Accommodating Messy Church, particularly when it ends at 5.30 and evensong starts at 6!

    Misheard or misunderstood hymn lines – till in heaven we take our plaice, as the dear pants, he’s the defender of the week etc

    2, 3, 4

    Bless you

  13. 1. Country vicars have started glamping to use their buildings. What about suburban churches?
    2. The efforts church wardens go to to get a warm church
    3. 4 reasons traditionists use to stop screens and projectors in church.
    4. Have you done church filing systems?
    5. What items do visitors move in an open church and why.
    6. Trip Hazards?

  14. OCD = Obsessive Chair Disorder
    Our church has chairs rather than pews and we regularly move them for different activities. So my rector is often to be seen on a Sunday morning moving them by an inch or two because they annoyed him when standing at the front.
    Prize choice 1,2,5 (I already have 3)

  15. Different styles of BMX competition.
    Cycling injuries and how to avoid them.
    MAMILS and how to avoid them.

    and a token Christian cartoon:

    Evangelicals and how to avoid them.

    Prizes from 1 to 5 (Bounty bars and how to avoid them.)

  16. Bike fitting
    When to change your chain
    Tannus puncture proof tyres lots of miss understand out there over this product
    Dockless bikes schemes must be laugh there somewhere
    E bikes a Yorkshire expression?
    Visiting a cycle show lots of different items under this heading
    Technical terminology: Bottom Bracket. Forks, double diamond. V brakes, headset, stem, down tube. top tube, seat post. nipples, rim tape, etc.
    Peddle cycle safety regulations, lighting regs, E bike regulations, did you know you have to be 14 to ride an e bike one. With growth in bike communitting in London different professionals on bikes: Dr, barrister, surgeon bishop, Jack of all trades, etc

    Ordering a bike on line, finding you have to put it together making a mess of it and then getting a mobile mechanic or bike shop to do it.

    Church stuff.
    Getting your head arround that Bible is made up of different types of literature which need to read and understood in different ways.

    Hope this gives you a few ideas

  17. Hi we currently have the roof off our church so are holding services in different locations,(like the school hall) you could do some cartoon of church not in church, with bits like forgot certain important item replaced with some random alternative, choir sitting on little chairs ect.
    Prizes 2 3 6 1

  18. Hi Dave

    Running a community event where nobody shows up, perhaps because the new Facebook algorithms prevent people from seeing it unless it’s a sponsored post.

    Raffle tickets flying everywhere.

    Calling the raffle for 20 mins because you have a mountain of prizes and everybody has one already, so they say ‘put it back’ if their ticket is pulled out.

    Trying to go home after a community event and people keep hanging around, reluctant to leave.

  19. Hi Dave
    I think, ‘the dangers of nativity sets/ Crib figures’ is a good one….
    I recently received a nasty cut from the oxen’ s broken horn. But i could have faced equal danger from dropping the donkey on my foot, from a king toppling onto my head as he ‘travelled’ from the east, or had an allergic reaction to the hay in the stable! Regards! Helen Butler

  20. Vicar at your front door: here are your options
    When street outreach goes wrong
    Easter egg hunt – six places not to hide them
    Operation Bishop: what happens before one is due to visit
    Harvest Festival: things to donate instead of tins of beans
    The Sunday When Everything Went Right
    How to interview a prospective new incumbent
    8 props to avoid in children’s talks


    Cheers Dave – may your wheels keep turning and your pen quiver with inspiration 🙂

  21. How about the aspirations and activities of the church environment group
    1. Rewild the churchyard, create a church allotment and hold outdoor services.
    2. Put solar panels on the roof, put in a woodchip boiler/airsource heatpump/(insert renewable technology of choice).
    3. Invite high profile speaker (eg the Pope) to give green sermon
    What actually happens (still good – every little helps)
    1. The grass gets mowed less often.
    2. The gas boiler gets serviced.
    3. The vicar arrives by bike
    …..or something along those lines.

  22. Just seen a headline in my local paper- ‘Bible burglar locked up’.
    He had stolen a Bible, a mini drone, a model helicopter and a car.
    From the headline I had images of him going round churches stealing Bibles, in a striped jumper with a bag marked ‘swag’. Then being locked up with the Bible until he’d finished reading it.


  23. This year, Ash Wednesday is on Valentines Day, and Easter Sunday is on 1st April – mist be something in both of those. Couples first date being at Ashing Service etc

    Rules about church bike racks, or allowing them into the church building.

    And mobility scooters in churches – most have no idea at all what to do with them

    Have you ever done anything on pet services?

    Weird names for bits of the church building – we have a Narthex. Nobody really knows what that is, eventually I googled it. There must be loads of other odd names.

    Not bothered on prizes – mystery good. I have all the others, apart from paint and I don’t paint. Do bounty bars have gluten in – I am one of the real coeliacs.

  24. Hi Dave,

    vision day- explaining difference between being and doing.

    Eco Church – struggle with introducing recycled toilet paper

    Youth clubs – huge amount of pizza you have to eat not explained in training

    2,3,6 or mystery for prizes.

  25. What the yoga class get up to in the church hall

    Puddings at the Church Brunch (Angel Delight etc)

    Surprise, 2,3,7

    God Bless

  26. different ways to do offering ( recently went to a church where you could donate wirelessly by Apple pay)

    I loved your drawings will diagrams like train maps – maybe draw us one for tax returns processing this year?

    Prizes – anything except the Bounties


  27. 1,3,2,4, no thanks to the bounty bars (coconut yuck!)
    It would be a great birthday present for me!

  28. 1: I am in the throes of my first year-end as church treasurer, so a cartoon about that would be appreciated, please.

    2: My other job at church is organist, so anything about pipe organs, electronic keyboards, robot organists who have different numbers of verses from the hymn book (and then service sheets and OHP slides have different versions again…)

    3: Online Dating. My wife and I met on a Christian dating website, and have just celebrated our first anniversary, so it seems to have worked, much to our surprise.

    Prizes: 3,2,4,5,1 (or I’m sure my wife will find someone to give the bounty bars to)

  29. Diocesan office staff – who are they and what do they do
    Reactions to the appointment of a new incumbent (relief from wardens, complaints that they’re too old/young/male/female etc)
    Excuses for not going to the prayer meeting
    How to choose a Lent course (recommended by bishop/well known author/trendy video clips/sticking a pin in google)
    Prizes 1,2 or 3 would be great!

  30. *How to choose hymns for Sunday services
    *Leading your Church into Growth (or further decline)
    *What diocesan staff REALLY do

    3 or 2 would be great, thanks.

  31. I was reading about a church where the main guy dresses like Elvis and sings the hymns to Elvis tunes. There must be some fairly inappropriate Elvis songs, one would think.

    I don’t need no stinking prizes.

  32. Cartoons around doing ‘Open the book’ in schools.
    Cartoons around church breakfasts
    Cartoons related to the church music group, and bellringing

    Prizes: 1, 3, 4. Many thanks 😀

  33. Idea: what to do when encountering holy water in church. Should you ignore it? Dip a finger in? Flick it at your mate? Secretly use it to water the flowers?

    Idea2: types of parish magazine: old skool purple ink from a gestetner machine; non existent since Eric died a while back; earnest but not very good; extremely full of clip art; packed with “Christian Crackers” humour; amazingly hi tech because the curate has photoshop… that kind of thing.

    Idea 3: the solutions of where to park your bicycle in church: behind the rood screen, between the pews; in the tea area; next to the Sunday school cupboard; adjacent to the medieval effigy; next to the flags in the eaves of the military chapel

    Idea4. What to do when running out of consecrated sacrament during communion; break the wafers into progressively smaller bits; dilute the wine with holy water; furtive signals to the churchwarden; look under the altar for some spare wafers; announce a hymn while nipping to the vestry to get more

    Idea 5. Types of organ: old and creaky; bontempi keyboard; inaudible; too loud; Henry with a CD player (wrong cd);

    Enough for now. Prizes 1,3,6 please

  34. Church: different parenting styles. You’ve got those who pretend their kids aren’t there; the loud whisperers (‘get back here… now … during prayers); the family who always sit in descending age order holding their bibles, etc.

    Cycling: How about a cartoon about different types of animal and how they can knock you off? Dogs who like to jump up at you as you ride by; dog owners who try to trip you with their lead; pigeons who have found something tasty to eat in front of your wheel; squirrels who wait for you to approach before crossing the road, etc.

    Happy to take the bounties if nothing else …

  35. Dave,
    Not sure if this has been done before but my ideas were:
    the post Church coffee/tea Roulette:
    Instant/full barista service/fifth use of the tea bags/ will the Sunday school members have taken all the biscuits before you get there/ can I get decaf dairy free coffee!

    What you can and can’t expect from your new youth worker…

    Thanks for the ongoing giggles at Church and cycling life.

    2,3,4,6 as already have 1and 5…

  36. The moment when nursery church children enter into the church to join congregation for communion – and the glares their parents receive when they jump the orderly queue for communion.



  37. 1. Poster: How Not To Fold A – chance of traction with mfrs/bike shops.

    2. How To Get A Puncture Really Easily

    3. I’d love to see an actual storybook – a children’s story perhaps; Pedals Gets A New Bike about a girl who becomes determined to cycle everywhere. An opportunity to explore many topics with longer narrative structure. I can imagine every page with extra arrow-labels. Books which encourage and normalise physical activity get extra points with parents. Just write one story, in collaboration with a child.

    4. Janet Gets Out Of Bed: Adult comic strip with a character who experiences more nuanced emotions than happy/sad/angry. Like ennui or depression or contained excitement. Cycling scenarios could provide a good visual metaphor for those feelings; slow puncture, bike that seems to want to lie down, cycle computer that sometimes counts backwards.

    The more I think about those last 2 the more I like them. A book can be 16, 24, 32 pages, and an adult comic just a handful of frames. With both I’d like to see you experiment with longer narrative structures; crisis, suspense, resolution.

    2, 4

  38. Church weekend away – could do a whole series on that.

    Ecumenical meetings

    Prizes – 1/2/3 please 🙂

  39. 1, 3, 4. Thanks. We were walking by the sea and spotted two seals in the water looking towards shore. I said, “I wonder what they are looking at?” and immediately had the thought, maybe they are saying the same thing.

  40. Cartoon idea for you to research on!
    How to make use of BSL interpreter? As I and my hubby (he’s a curate and minister to deaf people in diocese of Salisbury) use one or two in various church events.
    The choices are: 3, 2, 5.
    Thanks 🙂

  41. Rather too many unfunny stories about. Here are a couple of ideas
    1. Brexit style church breakaways especially on wanting to keep a deep and meaningful relationship.
    2. Related to the Aberdeen Episcopal election. Muddled reasons for objecting to the way a new coffee urn was chosen when there is no objection to the object itself etc. etc.

    Any prize would be most acceptable.

  42. Thanks so much for all the entries everyone. The giveaway is now closed.

    I’ll be announcing the winners later this morning.

    The ideas are incredibly helpful – thank you. I’ve already used one, and will use more, Im sure of that.

Comments are closed.