Christmas newsletters

Steve Tilley has very kindly agreed to let me republish this totally objective method for grading the Christmas newsletters you recieve. The higher the score, the worse it is:

Photograph too badly reproduced to add to our knowledge about you – 1 point.
Photograph of which you shouldn’t have been proud – 1 point.
Each half page of A4 over 2 sides –1 point. Each half page under – minus 1.
Holiday mentioned – 1 point.
Ruined holiday mentioned – 2 points.
Animal anecdote – 2 points.
DIY calamity – 2 points.
New disease introduced without humour – 2 points.
New disease contracted on holiday – 3 points.
Child’s achievement, musical – 2 points.
Child’s achievement, sporting – 2 points.
Child’s achievement, academic – 2 points.
Adult child’s achievement – 5 points.
Bereavement introduced without humour – 3 points.
Mention of words ‘round’ and ‘robin’ non-ironically – 5 points.
Letter from someone you don’t know – 10 points.
‘Well it’s that time of year again’ – 10 points.
‘Lets see what we did last year’ – 5 points.
‘Starting late again’ – 5 points.
‘Another year draws to a close’ – 5 points.
‘We’re sorry that we have to send you this newsletter’ – 15 points.
‘Hope we meet up in 2006’ – 20 points.

Steve Tilley writes Mustard Seed Shavings.

Apologies to all those people who send me newsletters. I do like them. No, I really do.