We have a squirrel in the roof
We have one or more squirrels in the roof. I hear it, or them, pacing inside the soffits. There is no way to tell how many squirrels there are, because in the time it takes to move the stepladder to the loft hatch, work out how to open the step ladder, work out how to…
We have one or more squirrels in the roof. I hear it, or them, pacing inside the soffits. There is no way to tell how many squirrels there are, because in the time it takes to move the stepladder to the loft hatch, work out how to open the step ladder, work out how to open the loft hatch, find someone to hold the ladder steady and pop ones head up into the loft space the squirrel(s) have long since gone or hidden. For the purposes of this essay I shall assume one squirrel.
Possible ways to get rid of a squirrel in the roof:
1. Scare it away with flashing bicycle lights and the Divine Comedy pumped in at medium volume (no particular reason for it being the Divine Comedy except that I’ve never heard of a squirrel liking the Divine Comedy). Problem: The neighbours might be disturbed.
2) Find the hole where it is getting in, and block it. Issues: (a) I have been watching for a while and I have not seen any holes (2) The hole could belong to a neighbour’s house. We are not detached and I believe our soffets and lofts are linked by a hidden maze of squirrel tunnels.
3) Send up the cats. Difficulty: Our cats would be more trouble in the roof than our squirrel.
4) Borrow a squirrel cage, trap the squirrel and release it inside the M25 (we are outside the M25).
5) Call someone who knows about these sorts of things.
6) Write about it on my internet web blog and hope that my readers include a fully licenced diocesan squirrel catcher.
Questions for Lent groups:
i) Tell the group about a time you had a squirrel in your roof.
ii) List some of the spiritual ‘squirrels’ you have faced and how you overcame them.
Want to join your lent group!
We had a squirrel fell out the slit in our ceiling that contains our large projector screen in church, in the middle of our 11am formal morning service, one day last year! (St. Peter’s, Yateley, Hants)
Stunned, it was picked up and carried out by a member of congregation, and released into the churchyard. The chair of our Fabric Committee was probably less than impressed with this do-gooders actions, and the squirrels in the church roof have since been irradicated. I will ask him how when he gets home from holiday on Sunday.
Brilliant – reminds me of this previous Cartoon Blog post: How to have a revival
Would be useful to know what you did – thank you.
It strikes me that another potential problem with option two might be the possibility of inadvertantly trapping the squiral in your roof. I would imagine that if there’s one thing worse than a squiral in your loft, it’s a decomposing squiral in your loft.
We rang the council who trapped them and shot them. It cost £17. We have since bought a trap from ebay which also cost£17 but we have never had any since.
There’s good eating in a Squirrel … apparently.
And, you can trap them but, believe it or not, it is then illegal to release them into the wild, inside the M25 or not. Legally they need to be … ‘dispatched’.
It will most likely be a male squirrel looking for somewhere to dos for the winter. Providing an even better pad somewhere else might just lure it away.
Baptise them. Then you’ll only see them at Christmas (and Easter at a push).
It is indeed illegal to release a grey squirrel once captured.
It is also illegal, if you have set a squirrel trap, not to check it for inmates daily.
Though I somehow doubt the authorities will be knocking on your loft hatch every morning to check.
If you want one though, try Wiggly Wigglers
healthy option menu Squirrel and fries chargrilled from chewing through outdoor light cable situated in loft hatch.
scaring squirrels and blocking hole with kitchen wire before they get back in is ecologically sound.
rehoming squirrels catch them and release them..
i dont think so
angry squirrel
This blog is so educational. I’ve learnt a new word: ‘soffet’. No idea what it means, but it sounds nice.
Even if you do get rid of it, check your insulation in 12 months time in case any oak tree saplings are starting to grow from buried acorns.
Have you tried incense?
Hopefully they are not rabid – but maybe you don’t have rabies in the UK?
The vicars wife suggestion is a good one but confirmation seems to guarantee they will leave permanently.
I think incense sounds promising but a good old fashion praise party would put off the non-charismatic squirrels which I understand is the majority since Todd Bentley was flavour of the month.
soffit, soffite(1) The under-surface of a cornice, stair, beam, arch, vault, or rib or the uppermost part of the inside of a drain, etc
(2) [joi.] The lining at the head of an opening.
soffit board, planceer piece [carp.] A horizontal board nailed to the underside of rafters, forming the soffit under an overhanging eave.
The Penguin Dictionary of Building
soffit, soffite(1) The under-surface of a cornice, stair, beam, arch, vault, or rib or the uppermost part of the inside of a drain, etc
(2) [joi.] The lining at the head of an opening.
soffit board, planceer piece [carp.] A horizontal board nailed to the underside of rafters, forming the soffit under an overhanging eave.
The Penguin Dictionary of Building
We had spiritual squirrels in our dishwasher. By which I mean cockroaches.
I alerted my father to this problem and he placed two exorcism disks (or baits I suppose you could call them) in the dishwasher.
The problem was solved.
I noticed some time later that the baits were still in the dishwasher and then that they had been replaced with new baits.
I can report that the entire Yay family have no cockroaches in their innards due to a daily dose of Mortein on the eating utensils.
Cockroach baits in the dishwasher will surely solve your problem.
I have contacted the council who say they do not deal with squirrels.
They do offer to identify pests though – the website says, “…send a dead sample of the pests to us by post”.
I have corrected my spelling of soffit. Oddly enough I did check the spelling before I wrote the post but still got it wrong.
A friend of mine’s granny (97) was convinced she had a squirrel problem but it turned out to be the battery low sound in her smoke detector! She assured my friend she had actually seen them running up the wall.
You should probably look around for a copy of Ray Stevens’ immortal “The Mississippi Squirrel Revival.” Not as well known as some of his other classics, but still one of his best:
The day the squirrel went berserk in the First Self-Righteous Church
In that sleepy little town of Pascagoula.
It was a fight for survival That broke out in revival.
They was jumpin’ pews and shoutin’ Hallelujah!
Obviously they were not Episcopalians…
I know someone who sat in his loft with an air rifle and shot all his squirrels. I find this a bit disturbing, why not open your loft up to the general public as a petting zoo?
Option number 5 will be your best bet. A professional Wildlife Control Technician will not only have the squirrel out in no time, they will also find where the squirrel is getting in and fix the hole. This will eliminate the chance of another squirrel moving in. If you try any of the other methods, don’t forget that there very well may be baby squirrels left up there to die. A wildlife control guy will know this and recover them if they are up there! You’re not in my service area but here are some examples of the way it is done:
http://www.advanced-wildlife-control.com/Squirrels.htm
Take Care and Good Luck,
Jack
Brilliant blog piece. I identified with so much of it. I’ve been using ELO’s “Roll over Beeethoven”, starts quiet: Da da da da, da da da da…. Then BANG! in comes the lead guitar. Seems to have worked although my neighbours still aren’t talking to me.
The pest man told me not to corner a squirrel, they are very agressive when threatened.
The trouble with confirmation is having to get a Bishop into your loft to carry it out…
Why not pop in to the local shop in Notwithstanding and inquire whether Polly Wantage, with her twelve-bore, might agree to assist? (If the walk to that village is greater than a Sunday afternoon ramble, then perhaps you could consider asking Louis de Bernieres to pass on a message to Ms Wantage on your behalf).