I am hoping that by posting this image I may become one of the leading authorities on lost keys. Not that I have any experience in the matter. It is just that I feel there may be those out there who have lost a key (a garage key or similar) and who have checked everywhere and nearly pulled the house to pieces searching for the key, and then phoned the locksmith who has come out to change the lock at a cost of around £70, after which the key has then been discovered in (say) a pair of trousers that the owner cannot really recall wearing and had checked numerous times.
I’m not saying that there are any such people out there, and even if they are they are idiots and do not deserve to be helped, but in case there are any deserving cases in their midst I am releasing this picture for their future benefit and because if we do not help undeserving idiots then who will?
For those who require further help in finding lost objects I recommend How to Find Lost Objects by Professor Solomon. I quite liked some of his tips, such as “It’s Not Lost—You Are” and the fact that seaching for a lost item can be accomplished from your armchair whilst having “a cup of tea, perhaps, or a stick of gum, or pipeful of tobacco”. Not to mention:
Occasionally, our distress is such that not only do we overlook an object—we forget what we’re looking for! To avoid this, repeatedly murmur the name of the object. (“Potholder, potholder, potholder.”)
Garage key, garage key, garage key. No wonder I couldn’t find… the thing I have already explained that I didn’t lose. I wasn’t murmuring properly.